pissed at family

Right now, im pretty floored. I just got done balling my eyes out cuz i was so pissed. When i get that mad, i cry for some odd reason, finally i stopped. I'm so pissed at my own brother and my own dad. They really set me off just 30 mins ago and i haven't talked to my dad like 4 hours now. once Joey got home from work, thats when it all started. Here's what happened...

My pawpaw is, well was the president of Mo-Joe's, turns out he lost his job (long story, dont care to really talk about it cuz its retarded) and my dad will get pawpaws job. Then Joey will be bumped up to general Manager, so there is a spot open for assistant manager. I pretty much made it clear that Hey, i want the job! I'm broke, have NO HEALTH INSURANCE and im so sick and tired of being home all fucking day!! Im FUCKING MISERABLE! excuse the language, but shit!!!! im sick of it! So i mean, why wouldnt i be able to have this job? why???? I am very well qualified, I have been at that restaurant for over 5 years!!! I know that place like the back of my hand. Daddy and I talked about it, I already have a babysitter for allie and that was daddys only concern, well thats what i thought anyways...So daddy made it out like he wants me there at the job and be the asst. mgr and its up to joey, its his decision. So i was like okay, joey will be fine with it and i was going to talk to him once he got home. Joey finally gets home at like 11:30pm and i told him i wanted to talk to him. As soon as i opened my mouth about it, he flat out said that I would not be a good asst. mgr! He put me down so many times, he told me he wants ME as his employee! His employee!!!! Making like $6 an hour, i am NOT going to go back and be right back at the bottom of the fucking list there, i have been there way to long, if not longer than his ass!!! The 2nd thing he told me was 'You won't listen to me' so he makes it out like he is def. in charge and that absolutely everything that he says, thats how it will be! He was making it out like he is awesome at this job and very qualified as the General Manager, BUT I am not, i will suck, i will be very mean to all the ppl there, he pretty much told me that im a bitch, a flat out stuck up bitch. And made it out like im a complete idiot. So as of now, there is absolutely no way I will get this oppurtunity cuz my fucking brother is selfish and DOES NOT want me there!!! He said that this other lady, Barbara has this job, and she deserves the money more than me, she has hardly any money. How can i not take offense to this??? How could i not?? Martin is pissed to, not as much as me, but pretty mad! We are in so much debt, i have no insurance for myself NOR MY CHILD! And this would be something that I could do. But nope, that was shot down by my little brother in less than 10 mins...okay...so the reason why im pissed at my dad, i am VERY sensative with ppl talking about me behind my back, i dont like it at all, especially if its family! I bug both joey and daddy both about them talking about me behind my back and they always make fun of me and say im crazy...turns out they both trash me behind my back. Its not THAT bad, well from what i've heard, but joey got mad at daddy cuz daddy 'put' this all on joey and thats why im mad at joey, which no, im not mad at joey cuz of daddy, im mad at joey cuz of his selfish ass!!!! Joey slipped up a few times and after he did, he shut up and tried to take it back. He said that daddy complains about me going to concerts, which was one in April and 1 is on sunday, which they totally fucked up by the way! How am i supposed to enjoy the concert after this shit?!? Anyways, then i took a vacation with a good friend of mine and it was FREE!!! A free weeks vacation in Myrtle Beach and daddy said 'why should i be taking a vacation? for what?' pretty much saying i dont do shit and I DONT!!! BUT AT LEAST I GOT OUT OF THE FUCKING HOUSE FOR A DAMN WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How dare he say that shit, god im crying and shaking all over again while typing this! Its really getting to me! Then he says i should not be going to concerts....oh well, im fed up with the both of them, fuck them and fuck mojoes, they can have that fucking place...now that ive heard that they both talk bad about me to each other, im ALWAYS going to have it in the back of my head, ALWAYS, thats just the way i am, im paranoid and i will always think 'will he talk shit about me about this, or this' and so on...the way im thinking right now, i want a place of my own, oh wait, I CANT AFFORD A PLACE ON MY OWN! NEITHER CAN JOEY OR MY DAD!!! I dont want to live with ppl who bad mouth me and judge. I'll be okay probably tomorrow, well idk, im not speaking to either one of them, im fed up. So we probably wont sit down and talk about any of this until sometime next week, cuz tomorrow my dad works at night, he'll leave the house around 1 or 2pm and then joey will be with cassie all night. Then sunday is my concert, ill be gone all day, OHH AND FATHERS DAY IS ON SUNDAY!!!! How the hell can i be nice to someone im pissed at????? how in the hell am i going to do that...ill just give him his gift and card and leave, idk, i havent been mad at my dad like this in a long time, and i HATE being mad at him and my brother cuz it causes stress for me and its just awkward at the house! But this is something i cant get over, its rude that my dad says those things and joey, he crossed the line big time with the things he said to me tonight, he should have NEVER even said the things he said! Period!!! Anyways, yah, that was my night tonight, im ready for bed ughhhh okay, im done writing. goodnight.

-Amber